Dear Reader…
My family and I suffered through hell for over a decade
after adopting our second child. While my friends referred to my first son as
“the stepford child” due to his easy temperament and wonderful manners, I
assumed it was our stellar parenting abilities. When the second came along,
angry and violent, I realized that something was off. All the traditional
parenting techniques worked on my first kid, and none of them worked for the second.
We spent many years trying to uncover exactly what this
mental illness was and how to treat it. After many tries at therapy (individual
therapy, group therapy, parenting classes, play therapy, art therapy, in-home
therapy… you name it!) and all sorts of alternative treatments, he continued to
get more challenging and frustrating as he grew bigger and stronger. Life in
our home became dangerous and scary, and we were frequently embarrassed and
alone. He was eventually kicked out of middle school, sent to the juvenile
assessment center, and given a ticket for assaulting a teacher. We consider
this “rock bottom” and there, we received a recommendation for the therapist
who eventually helped us succeed. Between a family intensive two-week therapy
session and an amazing therapeutic school environment, we managed to overcome
the violence, anger, and anxiety that is typical of reactive attachment
disorder (RAD).
My goal for this book was to shed some light on this rare
and serious disorder, help people understand that childhood trauma can have
lasting effects, and highlight the pitfalls of the mental health system. I also
wanted to inspire other parents who are struggling with challenging children
and demonstrate that you can never give up trying to help someone you love.
Continuing to love a child that is angry and violent,
despite daily calls from school, broken electronics, and destruction of
property is not easy. We, as a family, had to dig deep and practice unending
optimism that we would someday find a magical cure. And I know that we are the
lucky ones. Many families touched by RAD have to annul their adoptions,
relinquish their foster kids, or resign themselves to the fact that their
children will end up in jail someday. This is the same diagnosis that was
attributed to Nikolas Cruz, the school shooter from Parkland,
Florida, and I feared this might be my
son’s future.
I hope that you read our story with an open mind and open
heart, and remember that what you see in public isn’t always the whole story.
Since the book was released, I’ve been amazed by the positive response, as well
as the number of friends and neighbors who’ve commented on how “normal” we appeared!
You never know what’s going on inside someone’s home, so always try to be kind.
Next time you see a mom struggling, give her a hug! It might
be what she needs to get through a difficult day. Cheers to all the RAD moms
out there who continue to fight the good fight every single day.
With love and strength,
Gina
About the Author
Gina Heumann is a true Renaissance
woman: wife, mother, architect, designer, instructor, author, speaker, and
sales rep for an award-winning Napa Valley winery. She and her husband, Aaron, adopted Landrey in
2001 from Guatemala and then went back for Maddox three years later. Gina’s
love of learning and dedication as a mother inspired her research of different
treatments and therapies that eventually led to this inspirational success
story about conquering Reactive Attachment Disorder.
Her latest book is Love Never Quits:
Surviving & Thriving After Infertility, Adoption, and Reactive Attachment
Disorder.
WEBSITE & SOCIAL LINKS:
Website Link: www.ginaheumann.com
Facebook Link: https://www.facebook.com/loveneverquits
About the Book:
WHACK…
At three in the morning Gina was sound asleep, yet somehow she was smacked in
the head. She looked over at her husband, thinking perhaps he accidentally
rolled over and flopped his
arm on top of her, but he was sleeping soundly and
facing the opposite direction. She turned to the other side and glaring back at
her was her eight-year-old child.
“Did
you just hit me?”
“Yes,
and I’d do it again.”
“Whyyyy?”
“Because
you took away my video games.”
“That
was EIGHT HOURS AGO. And you’re still mad about it?”
“I
wish I could kill you.”
This
is the true story of the hell one family lived through parenting a child with
reactive attachment disorder, a severe diagnosis related to children who
experienced early-childhood trauma.
This
inspirational story covers over a decade of daily struggles until they finally
found resolution and made it to the other side. The family remained intact, and
this once challenging son is now achieving things never thought possible.
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